Its been 7 months since she came out and I still feel like it was yesterday ...
I have sat down to write this blog many times but the feeling of expecting a child and then being a mother is so new and wonderful that it feels like I am taking my first steps along with my baby and I couldn't figure out where or how to start or put it all in words.
Being pregnant...
So one fine day I found out that I was pregnant and there started my new phase of life...a journey towards motherhood. Looking back now I can only but smile as I didn't feel any connection with the peanut sized munchkin in there in the beginning of my pregnancy ... I felt guilty that I was a bad mother and I used to fear that my baby will sense this and might feel sad or even hate me, this was when she was like wayyyyyyy small like I said the size of a peanut :) .
In the older days I wonder how women survived without internet. Nowadays we google every pregnancy sympton and cross check if we have it ... tiredness check.... nausea double check ....insomnia yipppeeee,so we are like super happy if we are tired nauseated irritable and feeling bloated, on the other hand if we are feeling fine then we call up the doc ..."Doc, there is something worng with me or my baby .... I feel fine". I wonder whether doctors have to go through a course on patience to deal with patients who test their patience :).
The first time I felt connected to my baby was the day I saw her wave on the ultrasound machine ...My husband and I thought that our baby was already a genius :) I think all parents secretly think that way...
Its not until the 6th or 7th month that we actually feel the baby and that is another worry a new mother to be has. Why is my baby not moving? Is it cramped in there or is it too slow ? Should it be more active? Is it mentally alright? All these questions pop up simultaneously in our minds. We google hundreds of sites and find out all possible solutions (that other women have tried :) ) to make the baby move ,drink cold juice or drink sugary liquids , lay down on your left side and believe me everyone would have tried these out atleast once during their pregnancy.
Then there is the freaking hormones that keep messing our heads. It's too hot in here ... no no cold... so my husband hates me , he didn't look back when leaving to office ...oh he thinks I am fat, he didn't hug me for the umpteenth time today.. my family hates me ... my friends hate me ... MY BABY hates me. I used to think that mood swings were just our imagination but no once my baby was out I love myself and so does the world!!! :)
By the time your 5 to 6 months pregnant you are used to being pregnant and carrying a ball under your clothes and just when you get comfortable with yourself there comes the insomnia. So its night 2:00 am or should I call it early morning and all I can think of is a plate of nice chinese noodles with lots of MSG in it or a slice of pizza with loads of extra cheese or even a nice fizzy sweet drink... the list just keeps going on , and then I turn around to find my husband sleeping peacefully and that is when I realize I have a secret psychopath in me as I think "God he did this to me, I want to kill him". Then you go back to your list of untouchable foods.
Through all of this confusion and changes in my body and soul there was one figure by me who tried his best to be there and help me in whatever way humanly possible ... my husband. I wanted us to experience the pregnancy together so that he and I both get to bond with our angel and there begins the twist to our story.
Have I mentioned it earlier , we stay in Chennai , a place know for its heat and humid weather where rain is scarce and people are worried about heat strokes. Not the case in 2015. So it was one fine morning in Nov 2015 when it started raining and we were very happy as it was a welcoming change but our happiness didnt stay long as one day of rain almost became a month of rain and there were floods everywhere. It humbles me when I think about the power of nature, with all our latest technologies and know how we still cant beat a simple rain if it decides to bless us with more. I can think and reflect on all this now as it was in the past but during that time we almost died of fear. There was no contact with our doctor or hospitals or even our family. Telephones, internet , television all were out and we were like a bunch of refugees stuck on an island with no food or water (can you believe it no water in between all that rain). It was a miracle that I escaped from there with the help of our friends who had to push me on a rubber float. Before all this happened there was this time when I used to think of birthing plan , should I go for a water birth (which seemed highly possible with the floods) or should I go for normal delivery...all that changed within a blink of an eye , all I wanted now was a hospital to give birth. Through all these wordly pain my baby slept in me cozy and warm ready for the world she will come into and on Dec 9th 2015 just after all those rains she came into our lives like a ray of sunshine and washed all that pain away.
Wait Wait there is more... I for one thought that giving birth was the end of the story but this was where our chapter began and there is no end to the experiences one has when they are new parents. All I can say is that the first 2 months are the toughest and then on you get a boost of energy whenever the baby simles or coos or holds your finger or even sneezes, bless her, a boost of energy to hang in there and go through sleepless nights and feeding and cleaning.
Motherhood... is one hell of a rollacoaster and you don't get the feeling until you ride one but once on it you never want it to stop :).
I have sat down to write this blog many times but the feeling of expecting a child and then being a mother is so new and wonderful that it feels like I am taking my first steps along with my baby and I couldn't figure out where or how to start or put it all in words.
Being pregnant...
So one fine day I found out that I was pregnant and there started my new phase of life...a journey towards motherhood. Looking back now I can only but smile as I didn't feel any connection with the peanut sized munchkin in there in the beginning of my pregnancy ... I felt guilty that I was a bad mother and I used to fear that my baby will sense this and might feel sad or even hate me, this was when she was like wayyyyyyy small like I said the size of a peanut :) .
In the older days I wonder how women survived without internet. Nowadays we google every pregnancy sympton and cross check if we have it ... tiredness check.... nausea double check ....insomnia yipppeeee,so we are like super happy if we are tired nauseated irritable and feeling bloated, on the other hand if we are feeling fine then we call up the doc ..."Doc, there is something worng with me or my baby .... I feel fine". I wonder whether doctors have to go through a course on patience to deal with patients who test their patience :).
The first time I felt connected to my baby was the day I saw her wave on the ultrasound machine ...My husband and I thought that our baby was already a genius :) I think all parents secretly think that way...
Its not until the 6th or 7th month that we actually feel the baby and that is another worry a new mother to be has. Why is my baby not moving? Is it cramped in there or is it too slow ? Should it be more active? Is it mentally alright? All these questions pop up simultaneously in our minds. We google hundreds of sites and find out all possible solutions (that other women have tried :) ) to make the baby move ,drink cold juice or drink sugary liquids , lay down on your left side and believe me everyone would have tried these out atleast once during their pregnancy.
Then there is the freaking hormones that keep messing our heads. It's too hot in here ... no no cold... so my husband hates me , he didn't look back when leaving to office ...oh he thinks I am fat, he didn't hug me for the umpteenth time today.. my family hates me ... my friends hate me ... MY BABY hates me. I used to think that mood swings were just our imagination but no once my baby was out I love myself and so does the world!!! :)
By the time your 5 to 6 months pregnant you are used to being pregnant and carrying a ball under your clothes and just when you get comfortable with yourself there comes the insomnia. So its night 2:00 am or should I call it early morning and all I can think of is a plate of nice chinese noodles with lots of MSG in it or a slice of pizza with loads of extra cheese or even a nice fizzy sweet drink... the list just keeps going on , and then I turn around to find my husband sleeping peacefully and that is when I realize I have a secret psychopath in me as I think "God he did this to me, I want to kill him". Then you go back to your list of untouchable foods.
Through all of this confusion and changes in my body and soul there was one figure by me who tried his best to be there and help me in whatever way humanly possible ... my husband. I wanted us to experience the pregnancy together so that he and I both get to bond with our angel and there begins the twist to our story.
Have I mentioned it earlier , we stay in Chennai , a place know for its heat and humid weather where rain is scarce and people are worried about heat strokes. Not the case in 2015. So it was one fine morning in Nov 2015 when it started raining and we were very happy as it was a welcoming change but our happiness didnt stay long as one day of rain almost became a month of rain and there were floods everywhere. It humbles me when I think about the power of nature, with all our latest technologies and know how we still cant beat a simple rain if it decides to bless us with more. I can think and reflect on all this now as it was in the past but during that time we almost died of fear. There was no contact with our doctor or hospitals or even our family. Telephones, internet , television all were out and we were like a bunch of refugees stuck on an island with no food or water (can you believe it no water in between all that rain). It was a miracle that I escaped from there with the help of our friends who had to push me on a rubber float. Before all this happened there was this time when I used to think of birthing plan , should I go for a water birth (which seemed highly possible with the floods) or should I go for normal delivery...all that changed within a blink of an eye , all I wanted now was a hospital to give birth. Through all these wordly pain my baby slept in me cozy and warm ready for the world she will come into and on Dec 9th 2015 just after all those rains she came into our lives like a ray of sunshine and washed all that pain away.
Wait Wait there is more... I for one thought that giving birth was the end of the story but this was where our chapter began and there is no end to the experiences one has when they are new parents. All I can say is that the first 2 months are the toughest and then on you get a boost of energy whenever the baby simles or coos or holds your finger or even sneezes, bless her, a boost of energy to hang in there and go through sleepless nights and feeding and cleaning.
Motherhood... is one hell of a rollacoaster and you don't get the feeling until you ride one but once on it you never want it to stop :).
4 comments:
True.....Motherhood has taught me the meaning of living in the moment and being at peace.....great article.....
Lovely article....in many places can see the expressionof motherhood n its true lekha we know the strength of us only after we become mother..
Lovely article....in many places can see the expressionof motherhood n its true lekha we know the strength of us only after we become mother..
Thanks for reading and adding your comments... :) it has been a great journey thanks to you guys as well
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